Ever want to be invisible?

Invisibility

A discussion with any adolescent boy about superheroes and powers will invariably include the power of invisibility. Along with super strength, speed, and intelligence, invisibility ranks high on the list of coveted powers. What seldom comes up is the curse that comes with the power of invisibility.

Ask somebody what they would / could do if they were invisible. Ask yourself what you might do. Your answers will likely be similar to everyone else. You might say something about sneaking into a locker room. They might answer with aspirations of being able to sneak in and steal from a bank. They might mention eavesdropping on coworkers or supervisors to find out what people “really” think of them. All answers generally involve gaining access to locations, materials, or information you night otherwise not have.

All right David, where are you going with this? We have discussed associate engagement, and pet peeves. Now we are on to superheroes and their powers? What gives? Hear me our, I think I might have stumbled on something that speaks to engagement in here. While invisibility might sound like a cool power, it comes at a very high price. Those who have that power too, reveal much about themselves with its use.

I will first speak about invisibility and engagement. When a person walk into a business, they do not want to be invisible. Aside from the visual impression they have upon their entry, customers appreciate attention and acknowledgement. Employees feel unimportant and ignored if they are not spoken to or acknowledged by coworkers, supervisors, and customers. In these situations, being invisible is not a desirable thing. If you are invisible, you are not engaged. I will also say that you are likely not engaging if you are invisible as well.

Customers and employees alike when left to feel invisible are less than satisfied with their circumstances. Customers will either look around for someone to notice them or simply leave. Attention only after they have approached the service agent does little to minimize or make up for the feeling of isolation caused by invisibility. Speak to anyone who deals with the public about pet peeves and at some point they will rail about people who fail to return a simple salutation. When a simple “hello” or “good afternoon” receives no acknowledgment, it instantly puts the service worker on edge. They will attempt to connect in another way. If slighted again, they will likely disengage and seek easier, more receptive customers. Some customers who want to be left alone understand this and use it as a tactic against aggressive salespeople.

The scenarios mentioned above demonstrate how important it is to acknowledge other people. Companies need to foster an environment that builds on this basic step to engagement. Supervisors need to acknowledge, recognize, and simply greet employees. Service agents need to strive to make this most basic step with each person they encounter. Coworkers must recognize one another and engage one another if the workplace is to become one where people want to work. All this points to the power of making you and others visible. What does this have to do with invisibility?

“The best security is good customer service.” This is the mantra of the retail loss prevention agent. Retailers know that good customer service intimidates criminals and makes them nervous. They understand that an engaged staff makes a huge difference in shrinkage. Why? That is the central question. Simply put, Criminals like being invisible. People who want to steal will use an unengaged employee to “hide” and go about their work of stealing from a store. These people use their power of invisibility for evil. Some otherwise hones (if opportunistic) customers will act out and steal if left alone to feel invisible. Some of these criminals will be the people who ignore an otherwise engaging employee.

While there are enticing aspects to being invisible, we often fail to explore the price that comes with it. Human beings are social beings. Isolation is not the normal state in which we exist. Being invisible isolates us. It separates us from our species and leads to aberrant behaviors. This is why the criminal embraces invisibility and uses it as a tool to aid in their crimes. This is also why engagement in the workplace is so important.

Associates who feel isolated and invisible are in danger of becoming snared by this curse. Left to their own devices and feeling isolated, employees will attempt to get noticed. They will start by coming late. Next, they might advance to dress code violations. These activities are attempts to garner attention. To these individuals, any attention is better than being unnoticed. Even if the attention is negative. It is not necessarily a conscious effort on their part. It is a symptom or side effect of the isolation that comes with being invisible to their coworkers and supervisors. It is a result of their not being engaged at work.

Management and supervisory staff need to pay attention to this and look for these signs of isolation. They need to address these issues quickly and look for the cause of these isolated feelings. Acknowledge the good aspects of an associate’s behavior. Recognize and address those activities that are symptomatic of an employee’s lack of engagement. If these things remain undone, employees will escalate their self-destructive behaviors in ways that could lead to far more serious infractions. These employees are often the ones who are found engaged in illegal activities. These are the associates who find themselves unemployed or worse because of their cries for attention. Make efforts to make every member of your team feel important. Let them know that each role, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, is crucial to the success of your business.

Invisibility poses some interesting possibilities. In the light of the potential pitfalls however, invisibility may prove more a curse than blessing. People often strive to build a reputation within their chosen line of work. They seek to have a reputation for being honest, punctual, and reliable. They may seek to have a good reputation for being an expert within their field. Many make the mistake of equating reputation to character. This trap is the basis for the problems posed by invisibility. Reputation is how others view you. Determined by what people observe. Defined only by being visible. Character however, is whom you are when no one is looking. Character is by definition being invisible. When no one is looking. When no one is paying attention. When you feel like you are invisible, what do you do? How do you act? Character is who you really are. Reputation is who you want people to believe you to be.

Obviously, the best practice is for our employees and customers alike to feel that they are important. We want these people engaged in our business. If this occurs, character and reputation will likely never be at odds. Opportunity for the generally honest person to seek recognition will not present itself. These honest people will not even think about the possibility of nefarious activity. They will never know what potential capacity for negative activities they may possess. This is a good thing. It is when good people are allowed to discover the potential darkness they have within, that they fail themselves. Not only do they fail themselves; they exemplify the failure of the circumstances in which they find themselves.

If you actions when you believe you are alone are at parity with your actions when in public, you exemplify you character. Your reputation and you character are not at odds. We must always act as if we someone were watching us. This has never been truer than in the modern, technological era. Cameras in public places, camera phones, and web-based cameras all make it possible for others to surreptitiously in circumstances far more often than before. The illusion of invisibility is a trap. Even if not being actively engaged, someone is likely watching. These times of perceived invisibility are the true test of your character. The way you handle such situations determines your true character and reveals it to those who determine you reputation simultaneously.

If a person wishes to be invisible, it is not necessarily because they harbor criminal intentions. There are reasons and times when the noblest individuals wish to remain unnoticed. If one receives continued, negative attention, they will likely seek the refuge afforded by invisibility. If they are in an environment where they feel they do not belong, they too may seek to enrobe themselves with a cloak of invisibility. As mentioned before, persons who wish to be left alone in an excessively aggressive sales environment will seek to remain unnoticed. In these instances, invisibility is perhaps a desirable tool. The wish to become invisible here is then a symptom of bad circumstances. Do not assume the person seeking to remain unnoticed is either criminal or ignored. Check the environment to be sure that the person is not hiding from some external unwanted pressure.
As in most things relating to the human condition, we are variable. No single formula will ever be able to answer the human equation. Balance is the key. If we can balance the equation, we will generally succeed in making a majority of the people we encounter happy. Engage everyone you encounter. Do so in a positive and easy manner. Do not smother, abuse, or otherwise place the other person under undue stress. Acknowledge and recognize others. Be available. Let them know they are not invisible. Do not give them a chance to explore their darker nature. Let them show them a reputation they deserve. Allow the better parts of their character to shine.

Be visible, and look for the invisible and welcome them to humanity. Bring them out of the isolation that has the potential to corrupt. Allow your employees, coworkers, and customers to be the best they can be by seeing them for who they are. Where they are.

Nostalgia and the social networking sight

I recently made contact with an old friend via Facebook. After a few months of following one another in the news stream, I initiated a conversation via private message. We exchanged plesantries, caught up on families and jobs. Basically we reconnected after nearly 20 years of absence. One morning, after a particularly well written and touching email, I read a status update from her that got me to thinking. “How is it that a social networking technology like FaceBook can have me feeling so nostalgic?” My instant response was to say,” Its all about connections.” And I of course comment as much. I may have oversimplified things, but I believe I struck the root of her sentiment.

For decades, nay centuries, mankind has been limited in the ability to maintain communications by geography. We were able to keep in touch only with those with whom we could make direct contact. Long distance communications systems eventually came into play and allowed us to reach beyond our immediate region and maintain contact with those who were more distant. Courier and mail systems came first, and made it possible to send messages across vast distances. Telegraph and telephone came next. Eventually these made it possible to connect and speak (in real time) to those who were distant. Like never before, the world became a smaller place. It was then possible to maintain contact with old friends, colleagues, and family wherever they were in the world, thus preserving relationships that would have otherwise dwindled.
Voice over IP and Skype video conferencing have brought families who had been long separated back into each other’s living rooms. Social networking sites like FaceBook and Twitter allow us to “keep tabs” on and “catch up with” people we might otherwise have gone months if not years without even knowing their whereabouts. Relationships that might otherwise have fallen away and withered are kept fresh by the ability to “follow” the news stream of updates. People keep connected by repeatedly answering simple questions like, “What’s on our mind?” and, “What are you doing?” Real-time video and voice communications allow long forgotten friendships to once again spark to life. Past loves can reconnect. Former rivals can bridge time and distance to make amends for past grievances.

Nostalgia? Like looking through old photo albums, facebook allows us to look back a bit. We get in touch with a person after decades of absence, and we are immediately back in touch with a past emotional state. We may have moved on. We may live on opposite sides of the world and have divergent careers We may have families of our own but we are connected through a series of random thoughts, observations, and shared histories. There is a collective history shared and that keeps us a little closer than we might have been. How is it we allow this to happen? I think there are a few reasons why we let this cold, technical, impersonal collection of silicone and wire touch us in such a real and profound way.

Relative safety: From the safety of my own home, I can search for an old friend and send out a friend request. If they accept my request and I am not secure in our friendship, I can lurk. I can check out their profile, pictures, and current friends list. I can basically do the work of catching up without having to do much more than click a few buttons. I can deflect some of the shame of having lost touch a little by doing a little research to quickly bring myself “up to speed.” I can lurk a while and watch. I can read their posts and silently eavesdrop a bit on their page. Then, once I feel comfortable, and I have done my homework, I can initiate a little deeper contact. I might start by commenting on a few status updates. I might invite them to take a quiz or survey or add them to my birthday calendar. I might just send them a personal message. If I am really comfortable, I might even pop open a chat box and strike up a quickie conversation.
I can do all of these things from the safety of my own little room. No one can see me lurking. No one knows I am nervous or even a little ashamed that I have been such a poor friend that I didn’t even know they had moved from Atlanta to Hartford, to Dallas. I didn’t know they had kids. I have been so far removed that I had no idea where they even went to school and what line of work they found. But if I do my homework I can fake it. I can read their self-prepared dossier and have a quickie summary of the past decades in order to build a little conversation. I can do all this from the safety of my terminal. …Safety.
Real time responsiveness: Long ago, a person might write a note to their brother and send it off by post. Weeks or even months later, the note arrive and said brother could read and feel a little closer to his sibling for a moment. He might write a note back and respond. His letter would likewise arrive in just a few more days. The cycle could continue add infinitum. Not so anymore. Now, if my brother sends me a message, I will have it delivered to my phone and can read it as I exit church. My response to him could be on his phone within seconds of my receipt of his initial contact. Immediate, responsiveness makes one feel connected. The act of interacting in real time helps personalize things. It exemplifies the closeness of the relationship. Or at least that is the perception, and perception is reality to the one doing the perceiving.
The over share: A quick review of my daily new stream shows me things as diverse as daily prayer updates to infant potty habits. There is a strange tendency to share intimate details through these sites that might otherwise have been filtered out through slower means of communication. In order to communicate in an efficient manner whine writing traditional letters, one tended to stick to details that were important and less mundane.
In an effort to have something fresh, we truly answer the question, “What’s on your mind?” We often answer this question without engaging our mental firewall. This happens often to the detriment of our privacy. This glimpse into the more private details of a person’s life may give one the feeling of a closer relationship than actually exists. Now that I know that your teen is moody and has bad grades, I somehow know you. Does that make me your friend or a person who has eavesdropped on a conversation you had too loudly at the coffee shop with you real friends? If I were to “comment” on something you said out loud in a coffee shop to a personal friend, I might be considered rude. (You might consider it rude even if I did know you from primary school.) If intimate knowledge equates to friendship, I am better friends with kids from high school now that I was during school.

So, we are nostalgic when we make contact with old friends. We should be nostalgic. It is a truly unique time we live in. We can just type in an old friend’s name and locate them wherever live has taken them. It’s cool to have an old school mate friend request you. Reminiscing about old times and posting pictures of the way we were is all well and fine. Remember though who our real friends are. Ask yourself these questions. “Who on my friends list could I call in a pinch?” “If I needed a person to come pick me up or watch my kids for the night, who could I call from my friends list or my followers?”

Of the literally hundreds of friends you might have on your friends lists, you will likely have only a precious few who you could call friends in the real world. Nurture these. Remember who they are. Remember who you can count on. Remind yourself of who you would be willing to jump out of bed and run across the country for at a moment’s notice. Never mistake the false intimacy that these social networking sites provide for true intimate friendships.
This does not mean that you can not develop or even rekindle true, lasting, deeply intimate friendships online. It does mean that we should not make the mistake of believing that the 200 people who have you on their friend lists are our close personal friends. True friendships take work. Simply commenting on a person’s link or post is nice, but it can be no substitute for the connection one can gain from deep, personal time together.
Absolutely reconnect. Renew old friendships. Touch base with you classmates. Remember the old days. But live in the now. I truly have affection for my friends on the net, but there are a small few who I might call if things got really rough. Perhaps I am alone in this. I doubt it though. I am working on renewing some old friendships. I have had lunch with people I had not seen in over a decade. I am exchanging email with some old friends. I plan on attending reunions in the near future to renew the personal connection that the net simply cannot provide. I wish I could say that everyone on my friends list is a true friend. I enjoy following their lives. I have learned a great deal about people with whom I was really only an acquaintance before. Some of them are becoming actual friends. That is what makes it fun.