Thinking out loud

First of all... A lot has been going on recently. This stream-of-conscience came out of a screen-sitting session. I sit in front of a screen and sort of free type whatever comes to mind. It is presented here with very little editing. So here we go.

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Even the tree reaches for the sun

The simplest of creatures moves about in order to survive and further it’s existence.

Only human beings will settle in to apathy and allow themselves to be tossed about by the environment about them. A sick inertia that rots the very soul of a man. “Failure to plan is planning to fail” (Ben Franklin) But if you set out to fail and do so, have you really succeeded? Or have you merely failed yourself to the utmost? Have you failed your destiny and potential by knowingly, willingly choosing to not succeed?

How sad is the man who merely exists? “Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” (William Wallace) What is this “living” of which the author speaks? Where is this "marrow" we are to "suck out of life?" (Walt Whitman) All I taste is the bitter gall of regret and despair.

We must never allow ourselves to become too comfortable with our station. We are to find “joy” in everything true, but not necessarily peace. We should strive for better. We must constantly expect better of ourselves.

For what purpose were you born? Was it to serve God? If so, how well are you serving if you are living an apathetic, lazy, complacent existence? How much greater does He expect your life to be? Is this the “full” life of which our savior spoke? (John 10:10)  He died for us, are we living for Him?

Where do we find our motivation? How do we begin to care? where is the care? They say we should “find our passions” but what do I do it I just don’t give a damn?

Long ago, I turned off the caring. I simply decided to “let it slide.” It was a survival tactic. I hid from it all and merely hoped to not be noticed. I wished to be invisible to hide from my own weaknesses and get away with doing as little as possible.

What is the price for that apathy. Will my folly catch up with me and be visited on my generations.

I am further away from God than I want, but it was I who moved. I may not have intentionally moved myself, but in my aimless drifting, I traveled far from His purpose for me. I know He is there. I know He can be located. Can I turn on the GPS and follow “God’s Positioning System” to find my way “home?” Like the prodigal son, I wrestle with the decision to return home to my Father to merely eat His scraps. Scraps are certainly more than I deserve for my arrogance and apathy.

I know I have talents. I may not know what they are any more or how to use them to His purpose, but I do know I have talents still. Who am I? What am I here for? Where am I supposed to be? How do I get there? Who is in place to help bring me along? Where do I go from here.

Like so many philosophers before me, I ask the questions, but I am not sure I really want answers. Not because I don’t want to know. I just like the process of asking the questions. I like the searching. I may not like the answers I receive. If I find the answers, then what? will there be more questions to pose?