Like Being Inside Lightning

“When you step from the wings onto the stage you go from total blackness to a blinding hot glare. After a moment you adjust, but there is that moment. like being inside lightning.”

― Meg Howrey, The Cranes Dance

After some conversations with a friend about Community Theatre I have been feeling nostalgic.  I got to thinking about my experience with working and performing.

In the winter spanning 1984 to '85 I joined the cast of a local Community College production of "Fiddler on the Roof".  It was a "small role" as Yankel. One of the young boys that the old matchmaker, Yente tries to marry off to Golde and Tevye's young daughters at the end of the play. My best friend and I were brought into the production because they needed younger kids (We were 12 ) and our brothers were in the cast. I had three words. "But I'm Yankel" ... Yes, I remember it over 30 years later.

I had been on stage before. I sang in children's choir. I performed in grade-school plays and church shows. This was deferent. Perhaps it is because my previouse experience was less "professional" or were rehearsed with less rigor but I had never before had so much fun working so hard. For the next 11 years, I worked on at least one production a year.

This production was ,for me, a life-changing experience. I know that may sound like hyperbole but I assure you it is a sincere statement. Working on that show opened my eyes to a new world. I was in a diverse group working voluntarily toward a common goal; a group that accepted one another in spite age, handicap, or personal character flaw. I have rarely experienced such community. I made friends there that I still have today.

Theatre for me became therapy. I entered into a world where I could step out of my own self-imposed, self-conscious, anxiety and, for a few hours a day, live in the shoes of another. I admit readily that I used it as a way to escape my own life. For a few hours at a time I was in a group who embraced my quirks. We all had quirks and we embraced them in each other. Sadly, even when doing church productions I never felt quite as accepted as I did when working in community theatre. I loved my church; and I still do. I have some very close relationships which developed there. I met even my own wonderful wife at church. So I am not sure why there was such a diference for me.

I believe it has more to do with me than anything else... Perhaps I will explore this further at some other time... Perhaps

When rehearsing for a show we worked very hard for months to produce a handful of performances. At times we would only deliver two or three performances after rehearsing for upwards of 4000 (THOUSAND) person-hours. If you have never done this, it may seem like a lot of work for only a short run. For most of us though, it is worth it. 

The quote I used to open this post beautifully expresses one reason why we believe it to be worth it.

“When you step from the wings onto the stage you go from total blackness to a blinding hot glare. After a moment you adjust, but there is that moment. like being inside lightning.”

― Meg Howrey, The Cranes Dance

Stepping from the darkness of the wings into the blinding heat of the stage is powerful.  The energy of a lively, expectant audience coupled with nervous anticipation is electric. All those weeks of preparation were just the set up for this adrenaline injection. That adrenaline is addictive.

I have heard of studies where recovered addicts are brought into a room and asked to assemble the paraphernalia related to their addiction. They are asked to use the assembled items and mimic the preparation of their drugs. While performing these preparatory tasks their brains are monitored. To the amazement of the researchers, the brain releases chemicals associated with being high without the drug being administered. The preparation builds an anticipation of receiving the drug that actually prepares the brain to become high. I think rehearsing for a production may have similar effects.

Rehearsing for a play begins a cascading anticipation within us that builds and builds until we finally feel that rush of adrenaline. That fight-or-flight rush that comes from "being inside lightning".